Camilla In San Myshuno

Episode 58: Comfort

A Walk Home Later.
McNeal Residence | Brindleton Bay.

She really thought she was free. Free from Jada, from Brandon, from all their bullshit. She did her best to make sure of it. She moved so far away from this stupid little town so nothing they did would matter anymore, but still … it’s like …  she was the one being punished for their actions. She was the one who was lied to, cheated on, stabbed in the back, but she was stuck with all the trust issues, the insecurities. She came back home to finally work through them so she could be better, happier, but what does she get instead? A run in with him and a sit down with her so she could gloat about her pregnancy and pretend like she was looking out for her feelings? This … was all just … too much and now, more than ever, she just really needed to talk, a hug … her mom. She just really needed her mom.

Bridgette turned around to find her daughter standing behind her, in tears. What was she so broken up over? Sure, their last conversation didn’t go over well but it definitely didn’t warrant this kind of reaction. This was something else.

Bridgette, worried: [holds arms out] Come here, Cami. What’s wrong?
Camilla, sobbing: [sits down] I saw Brandon and Jada. They’re still together. I hate them so much, Mama.
Bridgette, soothing: [hugs her] I know, I know. Shhh, shhh, it’s okay.
Camilla: [sniffles] She’s pregnant. Did you know?.
Bridgette: [frustrated sigh] Did she tell you that?
Camilla: [nods]
Bridgette, to herself: That bitch.

This wasn’t news to Bridgette. She heard through the grapevine about the demon-spawn-to-be awhile ago. She just had no intentions of telling Camilla. As far as she was concerned, those two garbage cans did not exist anymore.

Bridgette: [rubs her back] Just forget about her, okay? All that girl wants to do is get under your skin and you getting upset, you’re letting her win. Forget about her, Brandon, that baby, all of them.
Camilla: [nods] Okay [lays on her lap]
Bridgette: [strokes her hair]
Camilla, softly:
 … I had an abortion … before I came here … It’s why I came … it wasn’t about a boy …

For the first time in her entire life, Bridgette didn’t know what to say. She knew there was something more to Camilla’s visit. That it wasn’t as simple as he-broke-my-heart-cry-and-get-over-it, she knew it, she could feel it in her bones, but this? Finding out she was pregnant? That wasn’t even on her list of possibilities.

Bridgette: Why didn’t you tell me? You could’ve called and I would’ve been there the next day, you know that.
Camilla: I know but [sniffles] … I didn’t want you to be mad … Are you mad?

Mad isn’t how she would describe how she was feeling. It was more like hurt. She was hurt that her daughter had to go through one of the toughest moments of her life without her because she felt like she couldn’t talk to her. She knew she was tough on her, maybe even a little more since coming home to get over heartbreak started happening more frequently but knowing that she was afraid to talk to her now, to come to her when she needed her most had her second guessing a lot of her parenting decisions.

Bridgette: No, I’m not mad, Cami. I’m just [sigh] … Are you okay? Tell me what you’re thinking.
Camilla: [shrugs] I don’t know- it’s like, I feel like I did the right thing cause I know I’m not ready for a baby but … I just get … sad about it sometimes, [wipes face] it’s stupid.
Bridgette: It’s not stupid, okay?
Camilla: [nods] Okay.
Bridgette: A loss, even if it was your choice, is still a loss [rubs shoulder]  and you lost a part of you so you’re allowed to be sad. Doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It just means you need to grieve and that’s okay. Grieving takes time. So just give yourself time, okay? [squeezes her] It’ll get easier, I promise.
Camilla: [sniffles] Okay.

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